I have not been a recipient of your original fic, sorry :-( Then again, I don't think you've read anything of mine either.
I always felt the first chapter was a little choppy, but it's a tough write because it's so visual... there's so much going on in the background, foreground, scene changes etc. And you've communicated that very well, and the dialouge is very Buffy :-)
How much critique do you actually want? Should I get out my red pen or let you be? Have you read any William Gibson? He does something with certain words and phrases that I like, that shorten and tighten how things flow.
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timeasmymeasure
Re: how?
Date: 2005-02-18 12:57 pm (UTC)I always felt the first chapter was a little choppy, but it's a tough write because it's so visual... there's so much going on in the background, foreground, scene changes etc. And you've communicated that very well, and the dialouge is very Buffy :-)
How much critique do you actually want? Should I get out my red pen or let you be? Have you read any William Gibson? He does something with certain words and phrases that I like, that shorten and tighten how things flow.