Take a Hike (LJIdol Week 10)

[garnigal]

Is there anything more demoralizing than being unwanted?

“Take a hike, loser!”

“Get lost, geek!”

“Get bent.”

Is there anything more hurtful than being rejected?

“You’ve got nothing I want.”

“What is that? Eww!”

“Just shut up.”

Is there anything more frightening than a room full of your peers?

“What is she even wearing?”

“God, she’s such a brown-noser!”

“My mother made me invite her.”

At 15, these were the worst things I’d faced. I imagined every whisper was about me; my clothes, my hair, my books. I imagined every slight was intentional, nasty word was meant to drive me to tears.

At 40, I want to reach back in time and slap myself silly or hug myself breathless. No one cares about you as much as you think they do. No one loves themselves as much as they should.

There are many worse things to face than teenage rejection.

Since then, I’ve been in car accidents, lost family members, been fired and gotten cheated on.

These things are all worse than the things that made me cry at 15. But at 40, I know that I’m lucky, even in the worst things that have happened to date.

I’m safe.

I’m loved.

And every once in a while, I get to take a hike.

Comments

[garnigal.livejournal.com]

I was talking about that with a friend recently. She was amazed when I said I thought about motivations even as a child. She kind of just did things without considering repercussions or motivations.

It made me shudder, thinking about going through life without consideration.

[slaymesoftly.livejournal.com]

Welcome to the world of those of us without impulse control.... :)