(no subject)

[garnigal]

"We all have different experiences of life, and we make similar but different choices. Recognising difference means that we should not expect others to agree with our opinions on homosexuality, for such expectations can lead to prejudice of another kind."

Xinran. The Good Women of China: Hidden Voices. Toronto: Random House, 2002.

Comments

[jfpoole.livejournal.com]

You really can't get upset about words like "hypocritical" when you've already used words like "condescending"; it makes you sound like a hypocrite!

The problem with opinions is that, even if they're not translated into actions or attacks, can be incredibly hurtful on their own. Especially if someone doesn't have the sense to keep their opinions to themselves.

[garnigal.livejournal.com]

Condescending means that I feel you are putting yourself above another, putting yourself in a position of being a judge. Hypocrisy means that you feel I am putting forward a false front. I find hypocrisy to be a very personal attack; the equivalent of telling someone you think they are lying. I don't feel the same about condescending, though perhaps you do. I am not attacking you, I'm not trying to tell you that I think you were wrong - I just saw the quote and thought of your situation, and thought "hey, this is interesting in terms of what's going on". When it was D.'s race under attack by my family, we left as well. It wasn't as dramatic as your situation, but we reacted the same. However, if D. hadn't been there, I might have challenged them on it - it was less personal for me, so I could talk about it without flipping out. It's also family - I can fight them on something, and agree to disagree if my words have no effect, something that is hard to do in the situation you were in.

I truly believe that if you are going to be open minded, you have to be willing to accept the good with the bad, the ignorant and hurtful with the educated and accepting. Not everyone is the same - very few people have the advantages we have had and still have: education, good health, open discussion, supportive family, youth, travel, experience, white male, whatever got you to where you are today. I'm happy to know you - we believe in a lot of the same things. Maybe I should stand up for my beliefs more, maybe you need to back down and work more subversively, I don't know.

I'm not really addressing your comment that opinions can be hurtful; I know that is the case because I've experienced that for myself. I do know that a nasty comment, ignorant opinion or stupid attack doesn't have the same effect on me as it once did. No longer do I take it personally, run off and cry, or attack in return. I do take it as a challenge, an opportunity to expose ignorance or as evidence that the individual isn't worth my time worrying about.

Honestly, this comment interested me in large part because of the background. The book this comes from is all about the Chinese female experience, about lifting the veil on an unfamiliar and secretive group. The sheer honesty and forthrightness impressed me. Much of the book talks about how difficult it is to get an honest answer - sex, relationships, even your family history can be dangerous. People don't talk honestly in that environment, partly because of the Party and partly because of the unspoken demand for privacy. The sheer audacity of requesting open-mindedness in Communist China stunned and awed me.